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When you were single you had chores to do. And when you’re married, they’re still there. But now you have someone to help share them with. So... Who’s gonna do what?
Maybe while you were growing up, your Dad was in charge of taking out the garbage. Maybe your spouses Mom was in charge. In some homes Mom does all the shopping and cooking while Dad washes dishes and manages finances. It’s a good idea to decide, TOGETHER, how you’ll do things.
Believe it or not, some couples never even have this talk; they just expect their spouse to do something because that’s how it was for them growing up. And then unnecessary arguments are had when someone is pulling more load than the other and it’s a mess.
I remember Reading a story about a lady who was a newlywed and she expected her husband to put up the holiday decorations come Christmas time. So the closer it got to the holiday, the more upset she became. So one day she decided to put the decorations on the stairs so he will see them and get the hint. Well... A week went by and still no decorations were up. She was fuming. So finally, one day she asked her husband to put them up. And by the next afternoon, they were up. I don’t know the details of anything else. But maybe instead of all that pent up anger.... She should have just talked to him about it, especially if it meant that much to her to have the decorations up. Maybe in his household no one ever put up decorations, or decorations were never something they had because they couldn’t afford it. Who knows...?
Either way, it’s a GREAT idea to talk often about your expectations. On everything. Not just chores and bills and decorations. But also on jobs, on children, (how many, how close together, names and you both like. Or even whatever gender it is, that partner gets to decide the name first, then the other partner gets to name the next child...?) Talk about your dreams, who’s staying home, who’s working? Are you both working? Will you hire a maid or a nanny or a babysitter? Will family babysit? What’s your budget? Always remember, whatever works for one couple, won’t always work for the next.
If one of you starts to feel like you’re doin most of the work, they might start to feel unappreciated. And no one wants that.
Just cause that’s how your family did it, doesn’t mean you have to. You’re a unique couple. There’s no other couple like you in the world. So make it unique. If you want to start new traditions, do it.
One thing you can do is ask your companion every so often, “ Am I doing enough?” Then proceed to talk about it.
Maybe while you were growing up, your Dad was in charge of taking out the garbage. Maybe your spouses Mom was in charge. In some homes Mom does all the shopping and cooking while Dad washes dishes and manages finances. It’s a good idea to decide, TOGETHER, how you’ll do things.
Believe it or not, some couples never even have this talk; they just expect their spouse to do something because that’s how it was for them growing up. And then unnecessary arguments are had when someone is pulling more load than the other and it’s a mess.
I remember Reading a story about a lady who was a newlywed and she expected her husband to put up the holiday decorations come Christmas time. So the closer it got to the holiday, the more upset she became. So one day she decided to put the decorations on the stairs so he will see them and get the hint. Well... A week went by and still no decorations were up. She was fuming. So finally, one day she asked her husband to put them up. And by the next afternoon, they were up. I don’t know the details of anything else. But maybe instead of all that pent up anger.... She should have just talked to him about it, especially if it meant that much to her to have the decorations up. Maybe in his household no one ever put up decorations, or decorations were never something they had because they couldn’t afford it. Who knows...?
Either way, it’s a GREAT idea to talk often about your expectations. On everything. Not just chores and bills and decorations. But also on jobs, on children, (how many, how close together, names and you both like. Or even whatever gender it is, that partner gets to decide the name first, then the other partner gets to name the next child...?) Talk about your dreams, who’s staying home, who’s working? Are you both working? Will you hire a maid or a nanny or a babysitter? Will family babysit? What’s your budget? Always remember, whatever works for one couple, won’t always work for the next.
If one of you starts to feel like you’re doin most of the work, they might start to feel unappreciated. And no one wants that.
Just cause that’s how your family did it, doesn’t mean you have to. You’re a unique couple. There’s no other couple like you in the world. So make it unique. If you want to start new traditions, do it.
One thing you can do is ask your companion every so often, “ Am I doing enough?” Then proceed to talk about it.
My husband washes and drys the clothes and brings them up since he works at home and his office is next to our laundry room that way I'm not overly concerned that I'm interrupting a client call with the sudden racket of the wash and dryer. The kids and I help with Yard work when asked. We both take out the trash if its full. He'll take the cans out to the curb unless he forgets then I'll do it. We don't always have set boundaries on who's chore is the other's responsibility because at the end of the day we both enjoy a clean home and some days are just too busy to get to household tasks and we'll ask each other for help when that happens. All that matters is that we keep the lines of communication open so that resentment never sets in.
ReplyDeleteThat’s awesome! I like that.
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