Helpful Marriage Tips

Real or implied, criticism can strain a relationship. When we criticize, we imply blame. For some, It’s a form of humor and they enjoy feeling superior when they see someone’s discomfort. It’s easy to point out mistakes. I remember my mom telling me a story of how this beautiful young woman married this guy and how his constant criticism not only destroyed their marriage, but also her entire sense of self worth.  It started out with small things like maybe her cooking or how she cleaned. To how she looked and talked. Eventually he wore her down to where she felt totally useless. She also told me of a woman who had no self esteem. But her husband found so many things that were good in her and told her constantly. Gradually she began to believe she was indeed a good person and her opinions actually mattered. His belief in her rekindled her self worth. Now, despite the examples I gave, it’s not always the men who build up or tear down a woman’s self confidence. Women can do it ...

Before getting married, what’d you picture your marriage to be like? Hopefully not like out of a fairytale. You’re a new unique family building a new lifestyle. Along with your clothes and miscellaneous items, you both brought expectations to your marriage. Expectations about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. From who’s gonna kill the spiders to who’s in charge of cooking or finances. Our spouse may have envisioned eating candle lit dinners every night and the both of you sharing your thoughts and feelings every night. Or maybe they envisioned getting showered with gifts and love letters daily, or flowers every week. All the while the other spouse may have envisioned coming home after a long day and just doing nothing but watching Netflix and eating dinner on the couch. Maybe they envisioned playin sports after dinner with their friends. How they envisioned showing love is keeping the yard or cars cleaned. Maybe just spending time together will be enough so they won’t have to buy gifts. Whatever...

Listening is vital during a discussion. As tempting as it is to interrupt, don’t do it. You’ll communicate much more effectively if you try to understand your partner BEFORE you respond. Let them get it all out before dealing with the problem. Sometimes you gotta let off some steam before you can cool down. Cause feelings aren’t right or wrong, they’re just feelings. You must be willing to listen. Cause listening is much more than just being quiet or silent. It requires undivided attention. The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. The time to deal with someone who has a problem, is when they still have a problem. The time to listen is when our attention is vital to the one who seeks it. Listening is part of loving. Listen to what they’re feeling along with what they’re saying takes an immense amount of concentration and effort. Show them you want to listen. By putting your phone, iPod/iPad, game controller or tv remote or anything else down.  Avoid giving your 2 ce...

Learning to express your thoughts and feelings is rough. But HUGE for a relationship. It’s also a great habit to get into. Even if it may seem dumb or embarrassing. Side note- Just because you’ve been together for a while, it does not turn either of you into a mind reader. As a kid, I remember my Mom reading a book about how not expressing your feelings can lead to them coming out in much uglier ways down the road. We should learn to express when we are hurt and let our feelings show. It’s very possible to do without being inconsiderate. It’s always better to talk about someone’s actions rather than the person themselves. Communication is every thought, feeling or act shared verbally and non verbally between two people. It can reduce conflict and increase love. Use your words nicely to solve problems and better understand each other’s point of view. If you need some time to gather your thoughts so you can come up with a better, kinder, way of explaining it to them, then tell your...

As a couple, we need to talk about things. Everything even. So before they turn into arguements or fights, here’s my suggestions: ‘Discussions’ should be pretty flexible. They can be spontaneous or only when problems come up. Or do it regularly to just keep up to date and on the same page. You can hold it daily, weekly, biweekly, monthly or even every few months. Whatever works best for you. You can have them when you’re out for a walk. Or driving the car around the block, or even dragging main. You can do it when kids, or anyone you live with is asleep. You could even try opening or closing it with a prayer. You could try to talk about future activities or goals for each person, or the whole family. But however, and whenever it’s held, you should be focused on listening and understanding each other, and giving loving support. Maybe start off with good things or express gratitude for each other or your blessings. Sensitivity and consideration should be felt by BOTH partners. R...