Helpful Marriage Tips

Real or implied, criticism can strain a relationship. When we criticize, we imply blame. For some, It’s a form of humor and they enjoy feeling superior when they see someone’s discomfort. It’s easy to point out mistakes. I remember my mom telling me a story of how this beautiful young woman married this guy and how his constant criticism not only destroyed their marriage, but also her entire sense of self worth.  It started out with small things like maybe her cooking or how she cleaned. To how she looked and talked. Eventually he wore her down to where she felt totally useless. She also told me of a woman who had no self esteem. But her husband found so many things that were good in her and told her constantly. Gradually she began to believe she was indeed a good person and her opinions actually mattered. His belief in her rekindled her self worth. Now, despite the examples I gave, it’s not always the men who build up or tear down a woman’s self confidence. Women can do it ...

Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest feelings in any relationship. And nothing breaks it quite like infidelity. There’s never a justification for it. Although, despite even that, occasionally marriages are still saved. But it requires the hurt people to give unconditional amounts of love, enough to forgive and forget. Our loyalty to our companion shouldn’t just be physical though, it should also be spiritually and mentally too. Be worthy of trust in everyday things. Avoid sketchy contact with anyone you aren’t married to. One good rule of thumb is to always have a third person present. It’s better safe than sorry.  If your spouse confides something in you, honor and respect their wishes to keep it just between the two of you. Don’t post it on social media, or call all your friends and family. Lots of times, they don’t really need to know. So let’s say your spouse broke their toe, and they didn’t want anyone to know. Would you be able to resist telling anyone? Eve...

When you were single you had chores to do. And when you’re married, they’re still there. But now you have someone to help share them with. So... Who’s gonna do what? Maybe while you were growing up, your Dad was in charge of taking out the garbage. Maybe your spouses Mom was in charge. In some homes Mom does all the shopping and cooking while Dad washes dishes and manages finances. It’s a good idea to decide, TOGETHER, how you’ll do things. Believe it or not, some couples never even have this talk; they just expect their spouse to do something because that’s how it was for them growing up. And then unnecessary arguments are had when someone is pulling more load than the other and it’s a mess. I remember Reading a story about a lady who was a newlywed and she expected her husband to put up the holiday decorations come Christmas time. So the closer it got to the holiday, the more upset she became. So one day she decided to put the decorations on the stairs so he will see them and get ...

Before getting married, what’d you picture your marriage to be like? Hopefully not like out of a fairytale. You’re a new unique family building a new lifestyle. Along with your clothes and miscellaneous items, you both brought expectations to your marriage. Expectations about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. From who’s gonna kill the spiders to who’s in charge of cooking or finances. Our spouse may have envisioned eating candle lit dinners every night and the both of you sharing your thoughts and feelings every night. Or maybe they envisioned getting showered with gifts and love letters daily, or flowers every week. All the while the other spouse may have envisioned coming home after a long day and just doing nothing but watching Netflix and eating dinner on the couch. Maybe they envisioned playin sports after dinner with their friends. How they envisioned showing love is keeping the yard or cars cleaned. Maybe just spending time together will be enough so they won’t have to buy gifts. Whatever...

Listening is vital during a discussion. As tempting as it is to interrupt, don’t do it. You’ll communicate much more effectively if you try to understand your partner BEFORE you respond. Let them get it all out before dealing with the problem. Sometimes you gotta let off some steam before you can cool down. Cause feelings aren’t right or wrong, they’re just feelings. You must be willing to listen. Cause listening is much more than just being quiet or silent. It requires undivided attention. The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. The time to deal with someone who has a problem, is when they still have a problem. The time to listen is when our attention is vital to the one who seeks it. Listening is part of loving. Listen to what they’re feeling along with what they’re saying takes an immense amount of concentration and effort. Show them you want to listen. By putting your phone, iPod/iPad, game controller or tv remote or anything else down.  Avoid giving your 2 ce...

Most of us do things a certain way cause it’s programmed into our minds. So when we live with someone who’s raised a different way, our brain sees it as foreign. So when we see our spouse doing something different from the way we were taught, ask them about it. Find out if their way is better or just different. Lots of times it’s just different. No one wants to be constantly told what they’re doing wrong. So remember in your mind you may think you’re helping, by pointing out all the things they COULD or SHOULD be doing. When in reality, they may think that everything they do just isn’t good enough for you. I remember reading a story about a woman who read in an article that couples should sit down together and go over all the little things that annoy them. So she made a list and went over it to her spouse. Then when it was his turn to tell her all he said was, ‘I don’t think there’s a single thing I don’t already like about you.’ Ouch. While she’d been fussing over the little thi...

Learning to express your thoughts and feelings is rough. But HUGE for a relationship. It’s also a great habit to get into. Even if it may seem dumb or embarrassing. Side note- Just because you’ve been together for a while, it does not turn either of you into a mind reader. As a kid, I remember my Mom reading a book about how not expressing your feelings can lead to them coming out in much uglier ways down the road. We should learn to express when we are hurt and let our feelings show. It’s very possible to do without being inconsiderate. It’s always better to talk about someone’s actions rather than the person themselves. Communication is every thought, feeling or act shared verbally and non verbally between two people. It can reduce conflict and increase love. Use your words nicely to solve problems and better understand each other’s point of view. If you need some time to gather your thoughts so you can come up with a better, kinder, way of explaining it to them, then tell your...

As a couple, we need to talk about things. Everything even. So before they turn into arguements or fights, here’s my suggestions: ‘Discussions’ should be pretty flexible. They can be spontaneous or only when problems come up. Or do it regularly to just keep up to date and on the same page. You can hold it daily, weekly, biweekly, monthly or even every few months. Whatever works best for you. You can have them when you’re out for a walk. Or driving the car around the block, or even dragging main. You can do it when kids, or anyone you live with is asleep. You could even try opening or closing it with a prayer. You could try to talk about future activities or goals for each person, or the whole family. But however, and whenever it’s held, you should be focused on listening and understanding each other, and giving loving support. Maybe start off with good things or express gratitude for each other or your blessings. Sensitivity and consideration should be felt by BOTH partners. R...

While it’s okay to consider your own needs in marriage, some people tend to get a bit self centered. They can get so focused on their own self gratification that they forget their partners’. There’s also some couples that can be overpowering negative that it effects their partner. That can aid in spouses becoming overwhelmed and become defensive or withdrawn. That’s when constructive communication becomes almost nonexistent. But! With practice, you can strengthen these skills that can help you to communicate better. You can replace old destructive habits with better ones. Examine how you talk to each other. Sometimes we get too focused on the problems, we forget how we communicate it. Don’t continue things that aren’t working. Instead try: Listening actively- Repeat back what you think they said to make sure you understand correctly. Pay attention to your body language and show them you’re actually paying attention. That means put down your phone, iPod, controller, etc and looking ...

Prayer is an important part of marriage and relationships. Seeking the Lord’s help can help us understand one another, overcome obstacles, and aid in decision making. The Lord can help us change our hearts and our behavior. He can help us be less selfish and rude and fill us with Christlike love. He can help us grow closer to each other. But we need to invite him to help us. And we actually need to want to change. Pray to have your hearts and minds opened. Pray to have your thoughts, minds and actions guided. Pray to have your eyes opened so you can see your companions needs. Pray to become more kind, courteous, humble, forgiving and less selfish. Pray to have strength and motivation to speak and act when needed. Pray for patience, cause it takes time and LOTS of hard work to keep love growing. We need to be constantly working at it. Prayer can help us see our faults more clearly and learn how to not let it effect our marriage. Maybe during a prayer, you can thank the Lord for your...